Amber, I'm so sorry for exposing you to my bad habits....

I've always been big. I was always the 'big guy.' When I was younger, I figured that was because I was so much taller than everyone else.  Being 'big' never bothered me before.  I was never teased or called names by people for being a fat kid, so I never really had an issue with my self esteem in school. I had lots of friends (still do, love y'all!), was pretty popular (I thought anyways), Things were pretty good as a young dude. I was the 'big guy!'

 I always knew I was overweight, but I stayed in pretty good shape.  Countless hours summer, fall, winter and spring of playing basketball, constantly trying to jump higher and score more than Derick, but also realizing that OJ, Joseph, and even Donnie were hot on my heels and there was NO WAY I was gonna give up that 'second best' spot up to anyone younger than me.  I lifted weights, played sports, summer construction jobs.  I was in pretty darn good shape. Would have been in MUCH better shape, had my eating habits not been terrible even then.  No one has time for a healthy meal as a teen in high school and young adult in college, right? I went to college at Butler in El Dorado on a music scholarship, and that's really where it got bad, FAST!

No one tells you that college is where you get fat really fast if all you do is go to class, eat an all-you-can-eat lunch, go to class some more, just head back to that buffet for dinner.  OK, that's a lie.  Everyone on planet Earth told me that, but did I listen.....?  Sure didn't.  Freshman 15? Pshhh..... How about the freshman 50!!!!  Probably more, but minimum was 50.  Again, I didn't have any issue with it. When I looked at myself, I didn't see a fat person. I was still happy with my appearance, I wasn't being made fun of, things were still good.  I did start noticing that the clothes that were baggy on me before were starting to fit better, but hey, they still fit. No problem.  Sophomore year, I'm in show choir! Exercise 3 times a week for 2 hours, singing and dancing? I'm gonna lose the Fresh.50 AND the other 15 or so I put on over the summer, no problem! WRONG!! All the dancing in the world isn't gonna help you when you're eating seconds and thirds at lunch and dinner. Even after sophomore year, I didn't much of an issue with my appearance. I noticed it more, but I was still in decent shape. I could still run some full court basketball games, so things were still 'good.'  It's weird how the determining factor of my health was whether or not I could shoot the jump shot still or run a couple full court games.....

Long story short, I've gained somewhere between 75 and 100 pounds since I left high school, in the best shape of my life. I've graduated college, got married to the most amazing woman in the world, have 2 awesome kiddos, own a home, and have a job that I love going to every day. I sure would like to continue this great life I'm having, only with less of me, a lot less of me.  Both Amber and I have gained some weight since we were college sweethearts, going to class, winking and smiling at each other thru the mirrors in concert choir :) I've gained a TON more than her, but we both know we have, no denying that.  I feel 100% responsible for Amber gaining weight, because of my laziness. That's the whole reason I'm in this situation.  I'd MUCH rather sit and do nothing, than be active. Fast food, bad food, and laziness is a bad combination for someone like me who already is big. In fact, it's a deadly combo.  Amber, I'm so sorry for exposing you to my bad habits, and letting them consume our lives. I hope you can forgive me for this, and I'm going to spend the rest of our times together trying to make it up to you. I'm super proud of the hard work you're putting in now, you're yet another inspiration to me to get fit. I look forward to the rest of our days together.  Healthy days, of course!

Asking me why I want to lose weight and get healthy is like asking a fly trapped in a spider web why it's trying to escape. We all know what is going to happen to that fly once the spider shows up and sees it.  Same here, I'm trapped in a web of bad eating habits and laziness.  Add that to the fact I'm already way overweight, I AM GOING TO DIE. I realize that now.  Sucks it took me about 10 years after high school to realize it, but better late than never, right?

I never really smoked cigarettes heavily, but enough to consider myself a smoker. I quit that, so far so good.  No cravings, no real desire either. I joined the YMCA (again), going 4 times a week, started talking to a trainer about how to do things properly too. That has me pretty motivated to go and do things the 'right way.'  I'm eating healthier now, thanks to hours of web searching, and talking with my boss at work, who has given me tips on things I can eat and should be eating. I'm on a really good path right now and I can truly say that I've never been this motivated before. EVER. Last week I lost 5 pounds, which was awesome, I was pretty proud of myself, and even took an extra second or two looking at the mirror, saying "What's up you sexy  beast?!"

Over the next few weeks I'll write when there is something to write about, negative or positive. Pictures will soon follow too, I think. Once I figure out how to do them right... I'll send a link via Facebook and Twitter, so you know when it's out too. I've been pleasantly surprised to see how many people have read my first 2 posts and excited to see how many more people, if any, continue through this journey with me. I'm going to put as much of myself out there on this blog. The more you know about me,the harder it is going to be for me to make excuses if I start falling back, or to get encouragement from people. Maybe someone will get motivated because of my struggle and (hopefully) triumph.  I have a LONG road ahead of me, but with the support of all my closets friends and family, and God on my side, I will not fail. I cannot fail.  We all know what the alternative is for me, I don't want that, and am going to fight like hell to make sure it doesn't happen. Love you all, have an awesome week!

                                                                                                                             Joel

...My Delicious Journey...

Yesterday I talked about how I've started to work out, which is an important piece to losing weight.  I dont think I will have as much of a problem with that as I will with today's post, food!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE food (obviously, looking at me would be a dead give away)! I like eating, what can I say? I realize now though, that I can't eat what I want, when I want, for however long I want.  I couldn't do it in my teens, why the hell did I think I could do it now?!?!?!

 Changing my eating habits is going to be as big a task for me as any I've ever done.  To be honest, it's going to be a life changing event for me. Just like getting married, or having kids.  I had adjust to life when I got married and had kids.  Now, I must adjust to life, knowing that McDoubles and hot wings (just to name a few!) are things that I shouldn't have, and quite frankly, do not need. The faster I get that engrained in my head, the easier this whole process is going to be.

I think one of the coolest things going for not just me, but for my company I work for is that we're starting a wellness/weight loss 'shakedown'. I really like the idea of trying to get healthy and lose weight, but now, my co-workers are getting into the spirit as well.  It's kind of hard to be motivated to eat right when you have your grilled chicken salad, while your boss has Hog Wild, or a greasy burger from Moo-Ya (which is delicious, BTW..)  We'll be able to hold each other accountable for at least one meal, plus I work with a lot of competitive people, so everyone is going to want to win!

I know I said this yesterday, but I feel like I could write for days! Who knows, maybe this is just the thing that someone needs to get motivated themselves. If it means helping someone while trying to help myself, why not, right? My next entry is probably going to be the most personal, I'm going to talk about my delicious journey to where I am now, why I want to lose weight and get healthy, and what I hope to get out of this. Again, feel free to leave comments, advice, criticism. Whatever you'd like.  I'd like to get feedback from people. I'm dioing this in part, to hold myself accountable. I've always loved writing. And hey, even if I'm not the best at it, I still got you to read up to this point, right? lol, Holler!

                                                                                                                                           Joel

For now, it's the elliptical machine....

I've had so many things running through my head since the day I made that Facebook post back in January.  Good things, bad, things. Encouraging thoughts and not-so encouraging thoughts.  I'm tired. Tired of looking in the mirror every day and seeing what I see. I'm proud of WHO I am, and what I've accomplished in life. I'm proud to be a husband, father, son, brother, uncle, grandson, Christian, and of course, Mexican! What I'm not proud of, is being obese.  and WAY obese at that.  I'm not just a 20-30 pound overweight person, I'm a 50 pound + obese person.  It sucks.  The worst part of the whole thing is that I have no one but myself to blame.  It took me 28 years to do this damage to my body.  Now, I want to get rid of it all overnight!  If only it was that easy, right?  I'm trying to make a life change, not just a weight change. By far, the H.A.R.D.E.S.T!!!!! THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO!

Since the end of January, I started working out at the YMCA about 3 or 4 times a week.  My first day back, I ran a half mile without stopping! The next day, my body reminded me what excess weight does to your body.  My shins hurt something fierce, and I could barely walk. Maybe I overdid it.  I was happy that I ran a half mile, but I would really like to walk after.  My shin-splits came back immediately, and there was not-so-encouraging thing #1....  Over the next week, I couldn't run more than 2 laps without my shins killing me, to the point where I thought my legs might break. Again, more bad news.  I tried new shoes, ace bandages, ice and heat after workouts, nothing worked.  The last thing I wanted to do was break my leg and put me out for even longer.  I remember a friend of mine from Colorado told me he did a lot of elliptical workouts starting out.  He also, was a big boy, but since has lost a TON of weight (great job Bryson, you're one of my inspirations to do this, BTW)! I started the elliptical since and have been doing that. It has been going pretty well, but I watch the timer too much!  I cover it, and try not to look at it, but as soon as I get my first peek, i'm ready to be done.  I'm such a weak-minded person, when it comes to working out.  I don't want to be, I really don't. Hopefully, I'll get used to it.  So, for now, it's the elliptical machine.

 That's it for now, I could write for days, I feel.  I'll post some more back stuff later today, I don't wanna bore anyone who decides to read this right off the bat!

                                                                                                                           Joel