Amber, I'm so sorry for exposing you to my bad habits....

I've always been big. I was always the 'big guy.' When I was younger, I figured that was because I was so much taller than everyone else.  Being 'big' never bothered me before.  I was never teased or called names by people for being a fat kid, so I never really had an issue with my self esteem in school. I had lots of friends (still do, love y'all!), was pretty popular (I thought anyways), Things were pretty good as a young dude. I was the 'big guy!'

 I always knew I was overweight, but I stayed in pretty good shape.  Countless hours summer, fall, winter and spring of playing basketball, constantly trying to jump higher and score more than Derick, but also realizing that OJ, Joseph, and even Donnie were hot on my heels and there was NO WAY I was gonna give up that 'second best' spot up to anyone younger than me.  I lifted weights, played sports, summer construction jobs.  I was in pretty darn good shape. Would have been in MUCH better shape, had my eating habits not been terrible even then.  No one has time for a healthy meal as a teen in high school and young adult in college, right? I went to college at Butler in El Dorado on a music scholarship, and that's really where it got bad, FAST!

No one tells you that college is where you get fat really fast if all you do is go to class, eat an all-you-can-eat lunch, go to class some more, just head back to that buffet for dinner.  OK, that's a lie.  Everyone on planet Earth told me that, but did I listen.....?  Sure didn't.  Freshman 15? Pshhh..... How about the freshman 50!!!!  Probably more, but minimum was 50.  Again, I didn't have any issue with it. When I looked at myself, I didn't see a fat person. I was still happy with my appearance, I wasn't being made fun of, things were still good.  I did start noticing that the clothes that were baggy on me before were starting to fit better, but hey, they still fit. No problem.  Sophomore year, I'm in show choir! Exercise 3 times a week for 2 hours, singing and dancing? I'm gonna lose the Fresh.50 AND the other 15 or so I put on over the summer, no problem! WRONG!! All the dancing in the world isn't gonna help you when you're eating seconds and thirds at lunch and dinner. Even after sophomore year, I didn't much of an issue with my appearance. I noticed it more, but I was still in decent shape. I could still run some full court basketball games, so things were still 'good.'  It's weird how the determining factor of my health was whether or not I could shoot the jump shot still or run a couple full court games.....

Long story short, I've gained somewhere between 75 and 100 pounds since I left high school, in the best shape of my life. I've graduated college, got married to the most amazing woman in the world, have 2 awesome kiddos, own a home, and have a job that I love going to every day. I sure would like to continue this great life I'm having, only with less of me, a lot less of me.  Both Amber and I have gained some weight since we were college sweethearts, going to class, winking and smiling at each other thru the mirrors in concert choir :) I've gained a TON more than her, but we both know we have, no denying that.  I feel 100% responsible for Amber gaining weight, because of my laziness. That's the whole reason I'm in this situation.  I'd MUCH rather sit and do nothing, than be active. Fast food, bad food, and laziness is a bad combination for someone like me who already is big. In fact, it's a deadly combo.  Amber, I'm so sorry for exposing you to my bad habits, and letting them consume our lives. I hope you can forgive me for this, and I'm going to spend the rest of our times together trying to make it up to you. I'm super proud of the hard work you're putting in now, you're yet another inspiration to me to get fit. I look forward to the rest of our days together.  Healthy days, of course!

Asking me why I want to lose weight and get healthy is like asking a fly trapped in a spider web why it's trying to escape. We all know what is going to happen to that fly once the spider shows up and sees it.  Same here, I'm trapped in a web of bad eating habits and laziness.  Add that to the fact I'm already way overweight, I AM GOING TO DIE. I realize that now.  Sucks it took me about 10 years after high school to realize it, but better late than never, right?

I never really smoked cigarettes heavily, but enough to consider myself a smoker. I quit that, so far so good.  No cravings, no real desire either. I joined the YMCA (again), going 4 times a week, started talking to a trainer about how to do things properly too. That has me pretty motivated to go and do things the 'right way.'  I'm eating healthier now, thanks to hours of web searching, and talking with my boss at work, who has given me tips on things I can eat and should be eating. I'm on a really good path right now and I can truly say that I've never been this motivated before. EVER. Last week I lost 5 pounds, which was awesome, I was pretty proud of myself, and even took an extra second or two looking at the mirror, saying "What's up you sexy  beast?!"

Over the next few weeks I'll write when there is something to write about, negative or positive. Pictures will soon follow too, I think. Once I figure out how to do them right... I'll send a link via Facebook and Twitter, so you know when it's out too. I've been pleasantly surprised to see how many people have read my first 2 posts and excited to see how many more people, if any, continue through this journey with me. I'm going to put as much of myself out there on this blog. The more you know about me,the harder it is going to be for me to make excuses if I start falling back, or to get encouragement from people. Maybe someone will get motivated because of my struggle and (hopefully) triumph.  I have a LONG road ahead of me, but with the support of all my closets friends and family, and God on my side, I will not fail. I cannot fail.  We all know what the alternative is for me, I don't want that, and am going to fight like hell to make sure it doesn't happen. Love you all, have an awesome week!

                                                                                                                             Joel